I've mentioned it before, but holy shit, retail workers can be on the wrong side of the sanity tracks. I decided that I needed a new pair of shoes, preferably something plain, maybe grey or navy, so my first port of call was Schuh. After the usual awkward pleasantries a girl asked me if I was looking for anything in particular. Remember this moment. This is where you say "No, just browsing".
I said "yeah, something plain, maybe grey or navy" to which she immediately dived onto her database to look for some shoes that matched my description. I had been lured into her trap like a moth to a flame and now I was committed. "Any price range?" she said. Oh god, now I'm ever further into this path to the till-of-no-returns. What should I say? "Oh, anything under a tenner" would make me look cheaper than a (insert whichever city you want here to avoid offence) on a night out. I went with a max of £30 which she must have thought was a paltry amount as her lip raised a bit as though she'd been offered KFC on a first date (not that I know that look...) when she wanted, at least, Nando's. I had no intention of purchasing the shoes she then found me but I decided there was no way to bail now, so she brought them out.
I admit, they were a snug fit. I was being persuaded, slowly, to part with my cash, but I then snapped back into reality. What was I thinking? I couldn't afford these. But how would I get out? It felt like running away from the altar on your wedding day, but I had to. As soon as she took them up to the counter, I'd dart for the stairs. "Yeah, leave them behind the counter, and I'll head up in a sec", I said tying my shoes. Now was the moment! I was away! Halfway up the stairs, I could almost smell the freedom.
"You er.. forgot your wallet"
"...right...thanks...I was just going to get money out for the shoes y'see"
I never came back.
Over and out.